(IN CALVIN’S MATH CLASS)
TEACHER:
Calvin, will you tell us how much four plus five is?
CALVIN:
While lying on my back to make an angel in the snow, I saw a greenish craft appear! A giant UFO!
A strange, unearthly hum it made! It hovered overhead! And aliens were moving ‘round in view ports glowing red!
I tried to run for cover, but a hook that they had lowered snagged me by my overcoat and hoisted me aboard!
Even then, I tried to fight, and though they numbered many, I poked them in their compound eyes and pulled on their antennae!
It was no use! They dragged me to a platform, tied me up, and wired to my cranium a fiendish suction cup!
They turned it on and current coursed across my cerebellum, coaxing from my brain tissue the things I wouldn’t tell ‘em!
All the math I ever learned, the numbers and equations, were mechanically removed in this brain-draining operation!
My escape was an adventure – I won’t tell you what I did. Suffice to say, I cannot add anymore, so ask some other kid.
